Traffic Wars: The Attack of the Nuggers

nuggers

Full Star Wars style scroll here.

Nugging is a compound word derived from the Kannada word nuggu (definition) and -ing. It’s the art of handling a vehicle in traffic so as to travel the maximum distance in the least amount of time. Note that I say distance and not displacement. A nugger may travel three to four times the actual distance to his destination in a single trip w.r.t. his displacement.

nugging cropped

 

Steps to be an effective nugger:
1. Get a two-wheeled vehicle, preferably gear-less, an auto or a taxi. Taxi drivers acquire unlimited nugging potential as soon as they acquire a taxi-driver license. Two wheelers, logically, can worm their way into the tiniest of spaces and being gear-less allows you to nugg without mucking around with half-clutches and what not. Autos are as stable as cars at low speeds and can maneuver like a bike, basically the best of both worlds (not for the rest of the traffic).
2.  Either turn off your lights or make sure the rear light doesn’t work. If the other vehicles can’t see you clearly, they will be extra careful and give you a wider berth, which allows for easier nugging.
3. Preferably you should not have a helmet, or if you do have they should be worn incorrectly or hung around your elbow. This allows you to make eye contact with the target.
4. Pick a target you want to nugg around and position yourself behind the vehicle, preferably to the left of it.
5. Accelerate to attack speed and lock s-foils in attack position……. uh elbows out?
6. Make a swooping turn towards the gap between the target and the vehicle in front. The more unpredictable the move is, the better are your chances of it succeeding (and you dying, but we’re sticking to the positives here).
7.  Horn incessantly while the move is in progress. That is sure to infuriate the target and make him/her lose hope of ever surviving this mad onslaught of smoke, mirrors, cacophony and eventual death.
8. After moving into the gap, brake suddenly (and this shouldn’t be noticeable as your tail-light is screwed). Look back and glare at the target, giving it every impression that you were driven to make the move due to his/her incompetence.
9. Repeat till you reach your destination/die.

Congratulations! You are now an effective nugger and can now knock off seconds from your daily commute! For best results, link up your nugging moves to accumulate style points and look like a total badass.

PS: I apologize for the horrible illustration. I’ll request the services of a pro next time.

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